WWAP 046: The segment segment

The Mailman turned away from the RSS receptacle and considered his options.

He knew that by now the next episode would already be set out, ready and awaiting delivery back on the home page. He didn't have much time.

The Mailman stared back down the long, hard road home and sighed. Adjusting his chin strap, he started walking.

UP IN THIS EPISODE: Insectoid Genital Clamps, Ancient Dragon Flies, Nintendofan126 and their opinions RE: actual Bugs Bunny quotations, the Arc de Triomphe, Champs-Elysées Street Sharks, Cowboys of Moo Mesa, and The 1991 Kid Cuisine Mega Meal Posse

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WWAP 045: xoxo

The wait is over. The fog lifts, the shadows part, and The Mailman approaches the RSS feed with an especially late delivery.

"Sorry to be tardy to the party, Marty."

The Mailman releases the podcast episode and watches it disappear down the chute. The lid swings closed.

UP IN THIS ONE WE"VE GOT: Problematic (Heteronormative) Arcane Traditions - "You know how brooms are" (and other Cleaning Supply related content) - Eating Leftovers in Ecuador - Wedding Cake for Breakfast

WWAP 044: Red Guy Forever

We get into several heated debates up in this one: Red Guy vs Batman - Best Zero G Edibles - Teleportation v. Flight - the list goes on and on.

We take a look back at that one time in that one Zelda game when Link tried to buy a gun. That was so crazy. We also briefly touch on (the subject of) dolphin dicks, hence our amazing album artwork for this week, which was provided by Tim Morris. Meow!

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WWAP 043: You're Welcome For Wanting IT

Here we are again, dancing at The Dawn of All Creation, encircled by the meandering tracks of the Giant Sand Turtle. Hold on to your teleprompter cuz we're talking FOX News, emos and haterism. Riddles, crunch culture in the video games industry, copypasta and other young adult cultural artifacts. We cover the full spectrum of temperatures up in this one: from The Winter Warlock and Winterbolt all the way to that fire that burns in the minds of men.

Alt title: Kids These Days

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042: For me, it’s the McChicken

We're snowed up in this one, but you know what they say: You've gotta take life one ruined bottle of orange juice at a time.

This week we're talking about horny ornithologists and learning about superstitions from the English Channel to the Far East. We also have a frank and open conversation about mirrors vs eyeballs. Oh, and we discover a rogue AI randomly generating some Google reviews / copypasta

Want to know who wore it better in Red Dead Redemption 2 ? Tune in and like skip forward to that part then I guess jeez

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WWAP 041: New Room, Who DIS? Pt. 2

Hello and welcome to CHAPTER TWO of our first foray into this new year. Recorded in a new room full of strange and fantastic beasts, we cover topics like Mythology - Etymology - Entomology - and the Talking Heads of course.

Up in this one we learn about how Belize is basically the leg of a skate ramp, what it's like Riding in Cars with Cher

Finally we confront this eternal question: What is a man, but a thousand little bridges made of ants?

WWAP 040: New Room, Who DIS? Pt. 1

Okay, so this episode is about 5 days late, BUT we're publishing CHAPTER TWO of this episode 2 days EARLY. Now, 5 + 2 = 7, which is how many days there are in a week, so ... mathematically we're even, y'know?
Anyway, this is the first recording of the New Year, and we're recording in a brand new room. Up in this one we're talking about shoes mostly. Later on we discuss the 13 movies that were shot in Hampton Roads, and where Tommy Cruise be buying his groceries at.

The screams were amazing.

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WWAP 039: baby wee wee

Right off the bat we're confronting our shortcomings and yanking pages out the calendar with wild abandon. Up in this one we're making stops around the block and across the sea. New Orleans - Atlanta - NYC - Kennett Square, PA - Hampton Roads, VA - Romania - Ecuador - Italy. The list goes on and on. Later on we take a trip through time (!!!) Finally we take a look at some troubling trombone noises, some challenging song lyrics and some problematic children's toys

See ya next year fam!

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WWAP 038: Globe tropping

In this episode we enter a brave new partnership, and make some important discoveries regarding how it be when you high. We're talking liquidity, legality, and what to do when you find yourself lost abroad. Don't know the way to Jingle Bell Square? Well, up in this one you about to find out how to celebrate yourself back home, daddy.

Some of our destinations this week include the Mrs. Doubtfire House, the Full House house, and many other crooked-ass earthquake-unsafe attractions to be found in and around the San Francisco Bay Area. Oh, and we do stunt our way over West Africa for a hot second as well.

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WWAP 037: Dolly Got Ya

Urrybody got they mic high up in this one, y'know?

In this episode we're getting right back to business and up to our old tricks. You know the routine. Really though, we're on a long monotonous slog through what known sugar-coaters are calling "the season of holidays," -- and we don't get to stop until NEXT YEAR. Can you believe that?

Along the way we're discussing things like Dolly Parton, Rugrats, and other "now" cultural touchstones. We talk a lot about getting purple-faced fucked up and how to truly "embrace the vine."

This week's secret word: THICCC
This week's alternate title: We Three Gentiles

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WWAP 036: Bey Watch

So, up in this one Keanu Reeves rescues Saint Nikolai from a Turkish prison, and that’s pretty much all y’all need to know. Obviously, urrybody wants to know what they liege is up to, so up in this one—WE INTERRUPT THIS SYNOPSIS WITH A SPECIAL ALERT: THE OG ALBUM ART WAS BANNED! DEEMED TOO EXPLICIT BY INTERNET

Secret word this week: Hottt

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WWAP 035: Heavy Mustard

We've got some big guests climbing up in this one y'all. We are joined this week by travel writer, memoirist and Crocodile slanderer Johnny Man-Devil. Later on Thomas F. Byrnes, an Irish-American police interrogator and author drops in with some great Dad Jokes. We even get a visit from The Marquis of Waterford and de Sade. That's two Marquis! Plus a disobedient half-blind Naval officer and combat prankster!

Our quiz music this week is an amazing song called "Opposite People (Fela Kuti)" by Newen Afrobeat feat. Seun Kuti, Cheick Tidiane Seck, and the track is literally on fire, plz call for help.

(This episode was very nearly called "Fresh Ass Baby Bear")

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WWAP 034: Circle of Salt

Here are some of the tabs we had open up in this one: Clarified Butter, Mormon Guy, Map of Africa. Oh, and you know we're always trawling TheTopTens.com for what's hot and what's not really that hot.
In this episode we discuss what sponsors would "be sick" to have, and then we make some weather predictions. Later on we talk about what's really going on underneath Abe Lincoln's Top Hat (spoiler alert: it's a little dog)

I'd say we owe about $1.20 for this one all told.

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WWAP 033: Ornithology of the mind

We're getting downright literary this week, folks. Up in this one it's all about plumage: we're talking about our fine feathered friends The Simurgh, The Peryton, The Bluebird of Happiness, and the Chonchon. Andrea finally reveals her nom de plume: Calamity Boy.

That's right gang, we're talking about the ornithology of the mind. Robo Birds, Jurassic Park Rangers, and highly specialized forms of reincarnated Atlantians.

Finally we are joined by a dirty-handed Chilean wizard who drops by to discuss the softest and bottom-most part of the butt. For real fun for the whole fam.

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WWAp 032: Ill-Prepared & Underdressed

Oh we sorry up in this one. Still your wandering ears upon this explicit content. We’re talking about Real Life Super Powers like Tummo, Das Uber Boy and our friend Corey who used to eat metal a lot.

Our Sponsor this week:
Ponderosa Steak House — “where you can ponder about what kind of slice of meat you want.” - Ben.

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WWAP 031: Legit Possession

Yes, it's one more time around the old crypt before we close the gates until next year. We've got Red Dead Redemption 2 loading in the background, and Jack Frost nipping at out heels.

Up in this one we finally implement the sage advice Nick Kroll once gave Pete Holmes regarding acceptable podcast duration, and we get it tight and trim. We are reminded where the magic lies (in our hearts), and talk about all sorts of different witches and whatnot.

MAJOR arcana y'all. RIP Pumpkin King

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WWAP 030: ain’t nothin’ but a dead man’s party

Gather close dear listeners, and ready your bones for another overnight chill. Up in this one we've got a few new submissions for the approval of the Midnight Society. We're talking Bad Brains, Star Jelly, Ghost Towns, and True Life Hollywood Horror Stories.

As far as guest stars go we've got Ryu from Street Fighter, Eddie Vedder from Pearl Jam, and Bad Bad Leroy Brown from the south side of Chicago.

Star studded!

WWAP 029: western spaghetti

Everybody huddle up, it's time for More Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark. We're chilling bones up in this one, chattering about such classic fear objects as spiders, darkness, water, and so forth. Oh, and you know that the Ouijia went and got up in the mix.

Some things that got cut out of this one: Terrace House burger date, Complete Caveman Exterminator Reversion Syndrome (cockroach attacks), Space Ghost Coast to Coast, etc.

2 more spooky episodes to go this season, friends!

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WWAP 028: Good idea book

Pretty spooky stuff up in this one y'all, so listen w/ a friend.

Alt title: An Introduction to Spectral Mechanics.


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WWAP 027: Overchering

Let's see, what'd we talk about up in this one? Definitely talked about the volatile organic compounds that create the flavors we experience when eating fruits and vegetables. We talked about air stink (then and now), and Cher, and Madonna. We talk about how Bill & Ted might approach the whole Kill Hitler scenario, and we learn about cheerleading. We turn Kid in King Arthur's Court into a way of life. Oh, and we finally pin down where Chad at.

WWAP 026: LAW & ORDER: DnD pt.2

To celebrate their landmark 20th season premier we pay homage to Law & Order: SVU up in this one. This is the second installment of the Law and Order: DnD homebrew police procedural campaign right here fam

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WWAP 025: Law & order: D&D

Soo, up in this one we're playing Dungeons & Dragons again for the ... second time? Third time? Something like that. Anyway, we're playing a stripped-down homebrew version of 5e D&D wherein our players take on the roles of young investigators working on their first big case. Listen along as they unravel this MAGICAL WHODUNNIT.

Good luck to you, Gumshoe!

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WWAP 024:

Nom de pause

We have foregone the usual musical stingers and fun sound effects with this episode and we're bringing it to you raw and real. Instead we've got recordings of other people. People who can pronounce some of the strange non-English words we're discussing up in this one. That's right, this week we're talking about words we don't have in our language; words from places we're unfamiliar with, that describe concepts we are familiar with. We also brush up on our African geography, talk about how kites are made, and invent some new words of our own. All in all it's a fine time. Totally enriching

Alt. titles: COCK-A-DOODLE-BOOSH, French Stuff

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After scouring the internet we have still found no copy of the audio from "Are We There Yet?: Songs for Tiny Travelers” by the Muppets. It was a Jim Henson joint from way back in ’89 and it’s just, like, gone.

Up in this one we highlight some small businesses on the tiny, isolated, cedar-shingled island paradise we call Nantucket. We’re talkin’ TUCK LIFE, we’re talking about THE HUB, we’re talking about HY-LINE CRUISES and we’re talking’ about MIACOMET GOLF COURSE. That’s right, y’all. We’re talking Whale Blood/Juice Blends, Kenny Fisher quotes, and the origins of our fox chant.

Oh, and we invent a new kind of cider.


Happy Labor Day weekend, y'all! Time to put on our polyester pants and burn some food outside together. One last chance to relax before we have to pack away our propane tanks and white shoes until next summer.

Up in this one we talk about Gilmore Girls, and recall some of our most cherished summertime memories. Later on things get HIGHLY EROTIC

Alt. titles: Whole Lotta Gnar, Big Hypnotist, Broken Half-Open, Tubing All The Time, All My Dudes, Ghost Radio, Why Not Eat A Guinea Pig? and All So Salty

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WWAP 021: Kelvin & kelvin

Up in this one we discuss the Dano-Norwegian concept of Hygge with Friend Of The Show Emily Hammerberg.

Joining us on this adventure are a couple of Average American Teenagers. You know the type; always watching old episodes of Cheers, talking about how great Dean Martin was, flossing disrespectfully at passers-by. Teenager stuff.

Later on, we debate the efficiency of a dog-based measurements for air temperature, but we forget to check the indexes. Folks, you've always got to check the indexes,

Cut your neck off, cake baby.

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WWAP 020: huzzahs

Hey, we're hitting those double-double digits with this one, and you know what that means: time to check a couple boxes off on our List of Discoveries. Oh, and let's not forget that it's Hot Ball pre-season y'all, and Mr. Steal Your Grill has been sighted around the neighborhood.

Up in this one we talk about Cheer AGAIN, and demonstrate the Show Don't Tell approach re: stupidity/sweetness. We talk about Katrina Johnson's Ross Perrot, reference Gen-13, and give thanks to Michael Schenk for incepting our daily bread.

Proselytization or prostitution? You decide!

WWAP 019: Spoiled Milk

The Krakken awakes and awaits you beneath. Say "Elder Scrolls" out loud to yourself in a baby voice. Consider the French lycanthrope potion if you get hungry.

Up in this one we talk Mario and his whole thing. We also talk about Oblivion and Skyrim and ESO: Enriching Southern Optimizations Edition. Later we learn about drug-addled jungle-prowling murdercats. Later on we try again in front of a live studio audience, meet a troll wearing clothes who left its BDE at home.

Oh and you know we bringing the thunderstorm baby

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WWAP #018: rigged electronics

This episode kicks off the unofficial second season of WWAP. We're in a different room, we've upgraded our equipment, and we've recruited a new co-host: Tully, a dog possessed by evil spirits bent on ruining podcasts.

In many way our new set-up is ... bad. Not good. Worse than before. On the other hand, our old first season tech didn't afford us the opportunity to travel to strange new worlds like outer space or whatever. They didn't drop us into the laps of strange farmers, or introduce us to any mole crittles.

Up in this one we learn about the secret tunnels winding underneath the surface of our world. We find out about the powerful magic fumes that linger deep within the core of our hollow earth. We're reminded how gunk spreads. Then we talk technology regarding a Confederate T-Rex.

Finally, we hum songs bad, chat about apps, and discuss fonts with Swiss watch designer Max Helvetica.

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WWAP #017: Wolf Juice

Production hit a bit of a bottleneck last week and so we're dropping two eps on y'all this Friday to catch up on our release schedule. Slippery slopes and all that. This miracle does come at a small cost to our word count though, so this episode synopsis is about to take on a very flash card lightning round kind of feel:

UP IN THIS EPISODE we talk about She-wolves, Mixology, Sex Tapes, Neil Degrasse Tyson, obscure 90's boy/girl bands AND SO MUCH MORE

We are also joined this week by Sarah Connor, a real pirate, a space dinosaur, and a shy Parisian house cat named Toulouse. You're gonna love it!

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WWAP #016: Hello sweden

So this is the episode we didn't ship on time. But this shit don't expire, y'know? You're not gonna get an ear infection from listening to week-old podcasts. Ask any doctor.

We spend a good deal of this week's ep talking about what we think happens when you die -- which is a pretty fun and funny premise for a "comedy" podcast, no doubt. We talk about about marshmallows and some of the heinous shit that people have been doing with them lately. We dip into magic a bit. We talk about what Macaulay Culkin does when he's Home Alone

Finally, we discuss the best little country on the planet. Hello Sweden!

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WWAP #015: the one where they all watch tv

This one is real special y’all. Not only do we all get to kick back and watch some TV together, be we’ve got a special guest also! This week we’re joined by our friend and yours LAURIE MURRAY. We’re also visited by the cast of Community, The X-Files, and Happy Endings (kind of). Later on we talk Law & Order SVU for a hot second. Oh, and The New Girl comes up a bit toward the end.

So if you like TV, or podcasts about TV, or TV recaps or whatever: this I guess is the episode for you. And if not? I dunno, probably not really up your alley honestly.

We’ll see you next week when we return to our regularly scheduled program.

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WWAP #014: Id4

Soo, this week the United States commemorated its Rebellion against The Empire for the 242nd time -- but that's not what we're here to celebrate. Today, we celebrate our second month online. Or our eighth week online. However you want to count it. We're celebrating ourselves and our stick-to-itiveness, which is theoretically an American value. So, yeah. We're patriots basically.

Up in this one we dig back into our box of alien stuff. We talk about Enrico Fermi and his fun paradox. We try to mash up Pump Up The Jam and the Mission Impossible theme. We talk about building a treehouse on the Yggdrasil and building a new life on a stolen battleship, and we plan our dream vacation to Sweden.

The back half off this ep is pretty heavily edited cuz we were kind of worried about Federal conspiracy charges (not a joke). What is left is fun and breezy. Sort of.

Thanks for sticking with us while we stick to it sticking it to 'em!

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WWAP #013: a game for children

Up in this one we price out articulated skeletons, we witness the power of street knowledge, we uncover the truth about mice, and we finally get to the bottom things. Tragedy strikes with a sudden injury on the field, and we find out what it really means to be a Cheesehead

Hello Wisconsin

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WWAP #012: PEn island

Up in this one we get Physics-ical and conduct some experiments on the subject of time dilation. Which is to say we recorded this on a different day than we usually do.

This session has been pruned to perfection and it includes such hot topics as: Philoso-raptors, Falafel Raptors, awful rappers, and exotic waterlocked dialects. We all kick back and imagine watching a cartoon called "Andrea, Opie, and Nightstick," and we try to do like a Field of Dreams kind of thing, but we're trying some summon spectral animators instead of sportsmen. Very different kinds of ghosts.

Still looking to secure a sponsorship with some kind of Ginkgo Biloba vendor or Fish Oil magnate. Thanks!

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WWAP #011:

Honey & thunder

French travel tips for first-timers. Ancient Irish linguistic history. Low Country cuisine. We’re basically Rick Steves in this piece. We’re going to show you the secret back entrance to this podcast, ykwim? Up in this one we are delving. Every segment a delving, each deeper than the last. And it gets very very very vinegary very quickly.

Legit 5 star quality.

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Up in this one we're visited by friends old and new. Bobby has a birthday party at the podcast and its attendants include a local frogpersonality and a renowned stand-up barbarian. We rub elbow bones with ancient undead royalty and regional heart-throbs alike. Things get out of control when we all sit down to listen to heavy metal while we do math together. Best party forever.

PS - We play Dungeon & Dragons

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WWAP #009: Disney v. disney

War has broken out in the Magic Kingdom. The fate of the realm hangs in the balance. Sixteen combatants arrive upon the field of battle. Who will win the black polyester crown? Who will wear the oversized ears of the Mouseketeers?

Sooo anyway, up in this one we be discussing things like warfare, opium, Tasmania, and dem Wild Colonial Boizz. We talk about gnomes, we talk about The Misfits, but mostly we talk about Walt Disney Pictures. Basically we get mega Disnerd and quack our little hearts out. GO CHAWLIE!

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WWAP #008

Oh boy, this episode is a real wiggler. Up in this one we take some calls from our listeners, and they had that dang phone ringing off the hook like a runaway mackerel.

This is the episode where we finally figure out what to do about Wal-Mart AND what we're gonna do with all the motorcycles. We talk about the Pizza Bomber, raffle off some Time Traveling Concert Tickets, and we talk with a couple of real-life Frogmen. Oh, and Andrea breaks down the premise of the Dark Souls video game franchise.

Also: we have officially backed out of our endorsement deal with Sand, opting instead for sponsorship with Butts. Thanks Butts!

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WWAP 007: - past tense - - future tense - - presidents -

Yeah, so, uhm, up in this one we talking about redoing the incarnations, we talk about some former White House residents (also The Presidents of the United States of America, the band). We talk about R Kelly worms and vampire fish and butterfly soldiers and SO MUCH MORE. Eventually I think one of the dogs falls down the stairs or something and Socrates II drops in to deafen us all with some mad science he's been getting into lately. Come, transcend your animal instincts with us!

The last 9 minutes or so are rated R.

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WWAP: 006 Pizzas of AMERICA


We go off-railing in this one like somebody done dropped their coin purse on the tracks. But we do get into some pretty serious topics actually, like the human cost of our ongoing Pizza Wars. When will we give piz-za chance?

Anyway, the important stuff up in this one is STAR WARS obv, cuz it's officially Eastern Orthodox Star Wars Appreciation Day. Oh, and later on we get into an argument regarding the existence of a certain holiday song, which I'll go ahead and just link you to right now: CHECK IT

Yeah, that's right. It's real and it's fire. Merry Christmas h8rs. Have a happy Starday.

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WWAP 005: Turtle alert

Here we go again, just a-huntin' for that nug. This episode is full of blips and bleeps and sirens (in addition to the usual screaming and singing and NUMEROUS UNTRUE STATEMENTS).

Up in this one we do some self-editorializing, we lodge some complaints, and we talk about video games, and we say a lot of bad words. In the end we all learn that you can't judge a turtle by its shell. We also learn some Home Alone II trivia.

Big thanks also to iwatchcartoons715 from DeviantArt for the very cool Koopalings gracing this week's episode artwork.

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WWAP 004: Improv 101

This episode has got everything: Kindergarten Cop, 3 Ninjas, Harry Potter, The Lion King, Bring It On, etc. Plus you'll learn what to do if you ever find yourself stuck on an elevator.

In this one we discuss Andrea's magical capacity, gunplay, dog insurance, Kangaroo breeding techniques. Finally, we meet Samuel Sung, the world's first artificially intelligent television. SUCK IT!

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Do you hear that? It sounds like the blues are a-callin' again. It smells like eggs in here. Ha! Goodnight Kansas City!

Up in this one we be talking about X-TREMEism, The Old Egyptite Days (aka The Triangle Times), Bogsurfing, and the terrible fate of Judah's daughter-in-law. Then at the end we talk about Star Wars and Game of Thrones for like 45 seconds. Missy Elliott plays us out.

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WWAP 002: Welcome to the neitherworld

Lather on your sunscreen and strap on those eyeglass retainers cuz we're headed to the amusement park! Oh, and you may want to top off your vial of holy water and charge up your proton pack cuz these rides and attractions are EXTREMELY HAUNTED

Up in this one we be talking about Missouri Jane, Racerboi, Black Sunday, and the true nature of The Neitherworld. Pretty spooky stuff.

This podcast may not be suitable for persons with heart complaints, epilepsy, pregnancy or any other medical condition. All persons listen at own risk. Management will not be responsible for any loss, damage, or injury. Smoke weed every day.

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WWAP 001: Kenan & kal-el

Officially this is our first episode, which we recorded on Friday the 13th as per our endorsement deal with sports apparel/energy drink manufacturer NO FEAR. It's pretty scary stuff, no doubt, so plz listen with a friend and def leave the lights on.

Up in this one we learn all about Jesus Christ, Julius Caesar, Napoleon Bonaparte, King Philip IV, Pope Clement V and we sit down with popular humorist Marco Julietti. Come get super-informed with us.

Promotional considerations provided by No Fear, Inc.


WWAP #000

Soo, chronologically speaking this is our fifth episode, but we don't launch until next week and we wanted to put something up here. It's like a special bonus sneak peek of our terror-driven dry run. Up in this one we talk about dragon pee/angel skidmarks, WINE, football strategy, and we narrowcast at Travis McElroy Podcast Boy for, like, a few minutes it seemed like. great fun for the whole family.